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Of course, that isn't to say that people's values don't change over time.

But, actual values change might be closer to "changing the self", as opposed to this discussion, which is more "changing expressions of the self".

But, others are making the same calculations about us back.

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Well, if I stay as "who I am" today I might NEVER achieve my mating goals...When your married and have a problem with yourself you cant just go away for a month to sort yourself out, married people have to deal with things together.What's wrong with going away for a month when married, as long as you're not in the middle of a dispute with your spouse?However, if you cannot reach the goal, then you either need to abandon it, or change. However, if the person is asking for a lot and/or has not developed many other positive qualities, then he/she might have to further become "whole" before he/she can attain the love life desired. To me, "what you hold true to, and what you change" depends on your goals. Even the goal of "be yourself" depends on who you want to be or feel you should be.If you can reach the goal you set with who you are, then no change or improvement is required. I'm not saying the concrete approach of goals/feedback doesn't work--I just want to make sure the deeper role of values doesn't get left out. I too believe that "values" are an important guide and precursors to your goals. Some of my readers, being versed in "pick-up", use different terminology. He or she has demonstrated high value - or has high value.

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