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I have personally seen this in action several times, as many polyamorous men have been all too excited for me to date their wife or girlfriend, only to suddenly refuse when I disclose that I am transgender.(See: The “One Penis Per Party Rule” as applied to polyamory: https://sexgeek.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/theproblemwithpolynormativity/ )It isn’t difficult to imagine that most gay women have internalized some of these awful messages, and it’s even less difficult to imagine the resultant feelings of insecurity regarding their sexual power or agency.As a bisexual woman myself, I can’t deny that something about this stereotype that rings true; bi women do seem to romantically engage, or “end up” with men far more often than with woman.

Conversely, many of my lesbian friends have complained of bi women disappearing after a few dates, or “ghosting”, as it’s called these days.

)My relationships with gay women, on the other hand, have felt much more egalitarian to me.

Particularly with those who’ve known their orientation from an earlier age, and/or those who’ve had little, if any, experience dating men in their past.

(Conversely, my relationships with straight men go haywire the moment I try to take a more active role in romance or courting.

A lot of men say they want that in a woman, but that has certainly not been my experience!

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