If you’ve ever been in an abusive relationship like I have, it’s likely your abuser tried to convince you that YOU are the abusive one: that YOU have PMS (a favorite accusation of male partners), YOU are over-reacting, YOU are making it all up, YOU are the crazy one, that YOU are responsible for all the issues in the relationship, that YOU are the “time-bomb” that explodes on a regular basis.My ex-abuser even called me “Time Bomb” and mocked me about my reactions and responses to his constant abuse during the last 3-3.5 years of our relationship. But it’s more likely you were REACTING to being abused by your partner.As for your partner’s assertion, yes - you may have sent angry emails or yelled or slammed doors or called names. What can make it even more difficult for you to see and understand at this point is that some of their abuse may be subtle and covert rather than obvious and overt.This causes further difficulty for you in identifying the abuse - and makes it easier for your abuser to convince you that it’s all your fault, or the problem is really with YOU - that you’re “crazy”, or “imagining things”.In their minds, it never gets down to their OWN behavior and how it affects their partner’s feelings.They like to pretend that isn’t relevant, or anything they should ever be responsible for.When i cant take him degrading me any longer and i make a stand,he gets physical. "An interesting thing to note is that an abusive partner will often be very calm when you are upset and angry.
When the abused person reacts to the abuse, the abuser calls that reaction abuse, and will use guilt to try to get the abused to feel responsible for the arguments or difficulties, as well as for the abuser’s actions. to trap unsuppecting women wit spouses who do have AS.
The final straw was when he threw a dishful of food at my stepdaughter and then rushed across the room to pin her on the ground. Out side the bar I ran after him and fell badly cracking my head he just looked at me said "I'll just leave you there"then just walked away. Last time it blew up huge huge, he stepped on and crush and crushed my foot till it stress crushed fracture and it still hurts. The day before he got with her he was trying to convince me to not put him on child support. He told me to atop tickling him, he seemed like he was joking. What a relief, I felt like I was literally going crazy/mentally ill before I read this web page...
I hit him on the back to make him get off her, but he said he was calling the cops because I had hit him. Now I reacted to his behaviour but for all the world to see I was the "mad" one! I have had 3 abusive relationships two of them marriages. I just got a great job, not huge money, but a good job, going to try to finish my degree and get myself together despite this and focus on positives till ... He tried to tell me she means nothing, she is a friend, she is nothing more and even told me im over reacting. He kicked me so hard I fell and hit me head on the wall, putting a dent into the dry wall..i went into the living room completely crying and in pain. Before that he had our black and blue bruises on my arms and there were hand prints on my things from where he had continuously slapped them. He apologized and said I didn't think you would bruise so easily because you are so BLACK......later that night I went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. This helped me understand some root causes to my relationship problems, and is now helping me reinstate confidence in myself, thank you for sharing this great info!! My boyfriend tells me my feelings are unjust and i am way out there when i have an episode.
It’s not at all unusual for a person in an abusive relationship to REACT abusively.
This does not mean YOU are the abuser, that you are crazy, have PMS etc. — though the abusive partner will try to convince you that YOU are THE problem and will often succeed in guilting you into believing it.